122 questions to ask your grandparents about their life

How to use these questions

• Pick five to eight questions, not fifty. One good story can fill half an hour. Keep the rest for another visit.
• Let them choose the topic. Read out two or three headings below and ask which sounds good today.
• Ask before you record. Explain who will hear the recording or read the notes, and that they can skip any question or stop at any time.
• Keep the words as they say them. Write names the way they spell them and mark anything uncertain with a question mark instead of guessing.
• Print the list. Download all 122 questions as a printable PDF to leave with your grandparent before the visit.

Childhood and the home they grew up in

Start here. Ordinary places are easier to picture than big events, and one clear room often leads to a whole story.

1. What was the first home you remember, and what did you see when you walked in the door?
2. Which room did your family spend the most time in, and what happened there on an ordinary evening?
3. What did your street or road sound like early in the morning?
4. What chores were yours as a child, and which one did you try hardest to avoid?
5. What did you eat for breakfast on a school day?
6. Who looked after you when your parents were busy?
7. What games did you play, and where did you play them?
8. Did you have a favorite hiding place, a tree or a corner that felt like yours?
9. What was the first thing you remember buying with your own money?
10. What did you do on a hot summer day, or a snowy one?
11. Was there a neighbor or shopkeeper everyone knew? What were they like?
12. What were you afraid of when you were small?

Their parents, grandparents and family history

These questions gather names, places and family memory. Write down spellings as they give them and mark anything they are unsure about.

13. What were your parents' full names, and where did they grow up?
14. What did your father and mother do for work?
15. What is one thing your mother used to say that you still remember?
16. What is one thing your father did that you only understood later?
17. Did you know your own grandparents? What do you remember about them?
18. Where did our family come from before that, as far as you know?
19. Did anyone in the family move to a new town or a new country? Why did they go?
20. Were there family stories told again and again at gatherings? Tell me one.
21. Who in the family were you most like, and who were you least like?
22. Are there family names, recipes or objects that have been passed down? Where did they come from?
23. Was there a relative people did not talk about much? Would you like to tell me anything about them?
24. Is there anyone else in the family I should ask about these stories?

School and growing up

School years hold vivid detail: teachers, friends, walks home and small embarrassments.

25. How did you get to school, and how long did it take?
26. Which teacher do you still remember, and why?
27. What subject came easily to you, and which one never did?
28. Who was your best friend at school, and what did the two of you do together?
29. Did you ever get into trouble at school? What happened?
30. What did you want to be when you grew up?
31. What did teenagers do for fun in your town?
32. What music, radio programs or films mattered to you then?
33. What was the first job you had while you were still young?
34. When did you first feel grown up?

Work and making a living

Work stories reveal skills, pride and hard choices. Ask about a typical day before asking about achievements.

35. What was your first full-time job, and how did you get it?
36. Walk me through a typical workday in the job you did longest.
37. Who taught you the skills you needed?
38. What part of your work were you proudest of?
39. Was there a mistake at work that taught you something?
40. How much did you earn at first, and what could that buy?
41. Did you ever change careers or start over? What led to that?
42. Who was the best boss or colleague you ever had?
43. Were there times when money was tight? How did the family manage?
44. What skill do you have that younger people rarely learn now?
45. If you could have tried a different kind of work, what would it have been?
46. How did you feel when you retired, and what did you do with the first free week?

Love, marriage and friendship

Let them decide how much to share. A first meeting or a favorite outing is often an easier way in than questions about feelings.

47. How did you meet Grandma or Grandpa, or the person who mattered most to you?
48. What was your first impression of them?
49. What did you do on your first date, or the first time you spent a day together?
50. How did you know this was someone you wanted to share a life with?
51. What was your wedding day like, or the day you set up a home together?
52. What was your first home together like?
53. What made your marriage or partnership work, and what was hard?
54. Who has been your closest friend over the years?
55. Is there a friendship you wish you had kept?
56. What have you learned about love that you would want me to know?

Raising a family, and my parent as a child

Grandparents hold the only first-hand memories of your parent's childhood. These questions are often the ones families treasure most.

57. What was it like to become a parent for the first time?
58. What was my mom or dad like as a baby?
59. What was my parent like as a child? Were they easy or a handful?
60. Is there a story about my parent growing up that they might not tell me themselves?
61. What did your children love to do together?
62. What family rules did you have, and which ones did your children break?
63. What was a typical weekend like when your children were young?
64. What worried you most as a parent?
65. What do you think you did well as a parent, and what would you do differently?
66. When did you first see me, and what do you remember about that day?

Places, moves and journeys

Moves and trips often mark the chapters of a life. Ask what the new place looked like on the first day.

67. What is the farthest you have ever traveled, and how did you get there?
68. Which move changed your life the most?
69. What did it feel like to arrive somewhere new? What did you notice first?
70. Is there a place you still dream about going back to?
71. What was your favorite family holiday or trip?
72. Which town, house or apartment felt most like home, and why?
73. Did you ever get lost, stranded or have a trip go wrong? What happened?
74. If you could spend one more day anywhere from your past, where would it be?

History they lived through

Ask what they saw, heard and did themselves. Their own experience of an event is more valuable than a summary of it.

75. What world or national event do you remember most clearly? Where were you when you heard about it?
76. How did the news reach your home when you were young?
77. What new invention changed your daily life the most?
78. What did your family own that you felt lucky to have?
79. How have prices, work or neighborhoods changed since you were young?
80. Did you or someone close to you serve in the military? What would you like people to remember about that time?
81. Was there a time when your town or community pulled together?
82. What did people argue about when you were young that seems different now?
83. What change in the world surprised you most?
84. What do you think younger people misunderstand about the years you grew up in?

Traditions, food and faith

Holidays, meals and rituals carry smells, sounds and family roles. They also make natural starting points for recipes and photos.

85. What did a holiday look like in your home when you were a child?
86. Which family recipe matters most to you, and who taught you to make it?
87. What smell takes you straight back to your childhood?
88. What songs did your family sing or listen to together?
89. What role did faith or spiritual life play in your family?
90. Are there customs from your family's background that you still keep?
91. What was a birthday like when you were young?
92. Which tradition did you start yourself?
93. What family gathering do you remember best, and who was there?
94. Is there a tradition you hope the family will carry on?

Hard times and what helped

Ask gently and accept a short answer or a no. Offer to stop the recording, and never press for details of painful events.

95. What was the hardest period of your life, if you are willing to talk about it?
96. Who helped you through it?
97. What did you learn about yourself during that time?
98. Was there a time you had to be braver than you felt?
99. How did you keep going when things were uncertain?
100. Is there a loss you would like us to remember with you?
101. What small things gave you comfort when life was difficult?
102. What would you tell someone going through something similar now?

Values, advice and looking back

Close with reflection. These answers often become the last page of a family book.

103. What are you most proud of?
104. What is the best advice you were ever given?
105. What do you know now that you wish you had known at twenty?
106. What do you think matters most in a good life?
107. What decision are you most glad you made?
108. Is there anything you would do over if you could?
109. How would you like the grandchildren to remember you?
110. What do you hope for our family in the years ahead?
111. What makes you laugh every time you think about it?
112. Is there a story you have never told that you would like someone to know?

Easy questions for younger grandchildren

For a school project or a first interview, short questions with clear answers work best. Let the child ask and a grown-up help record.

113. What was your favorite toy when you were my age?
114. What did you eat for your school lunch?
115. Did you have a pet? What was its name?
116. What games did you play with your friends?
117. What was the naughtiest thing you ever did as a kid?
118. What was your favorite song when you were young?
119. What did your bedroom look like?
120. What did you want to be when you grew up?
121. What is something that did not exist when you were little?
122. What is your favorite memory of me?

Follow-up questions that turn answers into stories

A first answer is often a summary. These short follow-ups invite the scene behind it:

• “What happened next?”
• “Where were you standing when that happened?”
• “Who else was there?”
• “What did it smell or sound like?”
• “How did you feel about it then, and how do you feel about it now?”
• “Is there a photo or object from that time?”
• “Would you like that part kept just for the family?”

Leave a few seconds of silence after an answer. People often add the most interesting detail just after they seem to have finished.

If your grandparent lives far away

A phone or video call works well for a story session. Send the printable list a few days ahead so they can choose the questions they like, keep calls to thirty minutes, and record only with permission. A second short call a week later usually brings back details the first one stirred up.

Keep the recording and the words

Save the original recording before you edit anything, give the file a clear name with the date and the storyteller, and keep a backup in a second place. Type or transcribe the story in their words, then ask your grandparent to read or hear the version you plan to share. For a fuller plan, see how to interview your grandparents in 45 minutes, and questions to ask about old family photos if you have albums to look through together.